Gracie Fascinated by Something

These days, our lives are pretty full with animal-related activities.  Gracie seems to be holding on, she’s pretty happy and sleeps a lot.  She is having some issues with her food interest (can you believe it) in the morning but that is largely due to her increased difficulty with gas and reflux in the morning.  We head back to the vet on the 20th of February for a check up on her protein levels.  She’s on ciproflaxin for the duration and that seems to have curbed the urinary issues.

A couple of weeks ago she had a groomer appointment after which she slept for 90% of the following two days.  She had zero interest in her morning meal and woke only to go outside or maybe switch positions on her chair.  This made me start to rethink our veterinary strategy.  You may wonder, “veterinary strategy?  what is that?”  Well, I will tell you.

Her regular vet used to be at the veterinary office (owned by a large corporation) about a mile from our house.  He has known Gracie since we got her.  He performed her surgery last summer (remember Frankenstina?) and referred us to our specialist vet who has saved Gracie’s life and given us these three years.  And, he was kind, gentle and not judgmental, which has been our experience of the other vets in that office.  He moved to another office…in a suburb about an hour away.  We were all set to go see him on MLK, Jr. day but canceled because there was too much going on and, probably because we had second thoughts about taking her all the way up there for veterinary services.  We rescheduled for February 20th and after the sleeping and sleeping and sleeping of two weeks ago we decided that it wasn’t a good idea to travel that far.

The big thing about all of this is that Gracie isn’t getting younger or more healthy, as you know.  It just started to seem ridiculous to imagine getting in the car with her when it was that time.  I shared all of this with a dear friend who suggested a home visiting vet.  What a novel idea.  I didn’t know if they would have such a thing in such an urban area as Chicago but sure enough there are a few.  We are going to ask our specialist if she knows anyone she would recommend, and we will set up an appointment.  When the time comes, we want to know the person coming into our home to take our baby.

This may seem morbid, but I really want us to make all of these decisions now…while things are not dire.

For now, Gracie is fine.  She’s sweeter than ever (or maybe I’m just even more appreciative of her) and more clingy.  She (and we) appreciate all of your warm thoughts for her comfort (and ours).

Keep  your loved ones close.

Gracie and Her Pal Dory

Gracie’s urine no longer looks problematic but her albumin (protein) is consistently low.  She is eating better having restarted the Cipro, which is good.  There was, however, a bacterial overgrowth which is likely from her GI disease.  It is called SIBO…and it is what started all of this in the first place.  So, even with all of the antibiotics on board and all of her supplements…the bacteria are winning.  Sigh.

She’s really doing okay aside from the gas…poor thing has such reflux and she is utterly exhausted a lot of the time.  She still has some pep though…and will play, go outside, take a walk, etc.  She’s getting to be an old doggie.  The vet called her geriatric yesterday!  She is, I know, but sometimes it shocks me out of my lulled head space.

I am working hard to just stay in the moment with this.  When I do that, I feel peaceful and filled with love for her and her love for us.  This is a gift, that I am able to do this.  When I start feeling sad, I know it is because I am holding too tightly.

Keep your loved ones close.

It has been two weeks off the Cipro and it looks like the UTI has returned.  For the last week or so, she has been refusing her morning meal, which is utterly heartbreaking because she is a real food lover.  Some of her favorite words include “eat” and “treat” (probably sound like the same thing to her).  And, if “car” had a Facebook page, she would most certainly be a fan.

This morning we had an appointment with our specialist vet, to check to see how Gracie is doing without the Cipro – which hasn’t been great.  The vet suspected that the UTI is back and said that if she could do everything she wanted to do to find out what is going on that she would:

• do a CBC
• do a urinalysis
• do a urine culture
• do an ultrasound to see if there is something in there that is causing recurrent UTI

Here was the difficult choice portion of our morning.  The ultrasound might find something that we will not likely choose to treat since she is an older dog (she will be ten in February) with a chronic medical condition and has been through so much already.  So have we.

But I feel very often like a bad pet parent when I make these kinds of decisions.  I talked with the vet and she supported our decision (I talked with Gracie’s other mom after the appointment) with the understanding that if we change our mind, we can go back and have the ultrasound done.  Talking with my co-parent we agreed that it isn’t the direction that we need to go.  We have already been doing “heroic measures” and that time has passed.

In some ways this is very sad to me.  In other ways, it feels like the most loving thing to do.  I read somewhere this morning that “immature loves tries to possess and control.”  I don’t want to possess or control Gracie.  Her spirit is so filled with love and will last longer than her physical body.  I will desperately miss her physical body and spirit co-existing when that time comes, but for now she is here with us.

We decided to continue the Cipro for now and to take the risks of the side effects of that medication.  We aren’t going to do the ultrasound.

The life expectancy of Golden Retrievers according to the Golden Retriever Club of America is 10-12 years, so Gracie has certainly done well for herself and for us.  My heart is so filled with love for her which is probably why my heart gets so heavy when I think of losing her.  I will continue loving her today, and appreciate what is now.  I will have to seek places to lean in times of sadness that are not her, which is a little baffling.

Since today is not Gracie’s day to leave this earth, let us all use this as a reminder to love our loved ones well today.

I am your dog, and I have a little something I would like to whisper in your ear.

I know that you humans lead busy lives. Some have to work. Some have children to raise. It always seems like you are running here and there, often much too fast, often never noticing the truly grand things in life.

Look down at me now, while you sit there at your computer. See, the way my dark brown eyes look at yours. They are slightly cloudy now. That comes with age. The gray hairs are beginning to ring my soft muzzle.

You smile at me; I see love in your eyes. What do you see in mine? Do you see a spirit? A soul inside, who loves you as no other could in the world? A spirit that would forgive all trespasses of prior wrongdoing for just a simple moment of your time?

That is all I ask. To slow down, if even for a few minutes to be with me.

So many times, you have been saddened by the words you read on that screen, of other of my kind, passing. Sometimes we die young and oh so quickly, sometimes so suddenly it wrenches your heart out of your throat. Sometimes, we age so slowly before your eyes that you may not even seem to know until the very end, when we look at you with grizzled muzzles and cataract clouded eyes. Still the love is always there, even when we must take that long sleep, to run free in a distant land.

I may not be here next week. Someday you will shed the water from your eyes, that humans have when deep grief fills their souls, and you will be angry at yourself that you did not have just “One more day” with me. Because I love you so, your sorrow touches my spirit and grieves me. We have NOW, together.

So come, sit down here next to me on the floor, and look deep into my eyes. What do you see? If you look hard and deep enough we will talk, you and I, heart to heart. Come to me not as “alpha” or as “trainer” or even “Mom or Dad,” come to me as a living soul and stroke my fur and let us look deep into another’s eyes, and talk.

I may tell you something about the fun of chasing a tennis ball, or I may tell you something profound about myself or even life in general. You decided to have me in your life because you wanted a soul to share such things with.

Someone very different from you, and here I am.

I am a dog, but I am alive. I feel emotion, I feel physical senses, and I can revel in the differences of our spirits and souls. I do not think of you as a “Dog on two feet”- I know what you are. You are human, in all of your quirkiness, and I love you still.

Now, come sit with me on the floor. Enter my world, and let time slow down if only for 15 minutes. Look deep into my eyes, and whisper to my ears. Speak with your heart, with your joy and I will know your true self.

We may not have tomorrow, and life is oh so very short.

–Love, (on behalf of canines everywhere)

Author Unknown

Let's Hear it for Antibiotics

Well, the urinary tract infection seems to be clearing.  Our girl is once again interested in getting into mischief and is eating a little better.  She’s still not finishing all her food, but it’s a little better.  At least she’s comfortable.

We are so relieved about this.  Not sure what happens next, but we are going to the vet on the 24th for a follow up.

Keep Gracie in your thoughts.  She will love you forever for it.

Our Wooley Girl from Feb 2010

Gracie has a Urinary Tract Infection, the vet thinks.  So, we are giving her antibiotics.  There weren’t a lot of proteins found in the urinalysis which is probably good, but still hard to know what is happening.  Maybe we have a little longer than we thought. The vet is still “very concerned” about her protein loss…

We just don’t know.

One day at a time.

Taken on a walk last week.

We are no fools.  We’ve been aware that Gracie would not be with us forever.  Even so, we were shocked and devastated at the news that her albumin is dropping and has dropped to 1.7 (it should be 2.6) and her cholesterol is elevated.  The vet thinks that it has to do with another organ, the kidneys.  She wants a urine sample in order to test to see if Gracie is losing proteins through her kidneys.  You may remember (or you don’t know) that Gracie cannot take many of the medications that they typically use to address diseases of inflammation — or anything really.  She can’t take steroids.  Sigh.

So, we will gather aforementioned urine sample using a pie pan (disposable, of course) and a plastic seal-able container.  I will then drive it directly to the vet’s office.

It is looking like we are gradually declining and having to find a way to get used to the idea that we are going to lose our beloved Gracie.  We are going to take this one moment at a time.  We are going to love her as much or more than we already do.

Dear readers, we will keep you posted.  We ask that you keep us in your thoughts and ask your higher power, however that may reveal itself to you, for a comfortable time for Gracie.   I don’t think we are looking at an immediate departure, but a departure nonetheless.

C'mon It's Time to EAT!

Gracie is doing alright!  She is now sporting a full-on haircut (no pic yet, sorry…this is a “before” picture.  Yesterday, we both got our hair coiffed at the same time.  I never know exactly what to do during the 2.5 hours I wait for her grooming to be complete.

She’s cheerful and adorable.  Her face is getting a little whiter every time we go for a haircut.  What a darling girl.

Miss Congenialty

With apologies to anyone who has been waiting to know what is going on with Gracie.  We went back to the vet in mid-June.  Her albumin is still at 2.3 so we are not deteriorating.  This is good news for today.

We have recently discovered Salmon Oil, the company who “makes it” is called Grizzly Bear.  Interesting, right?  Well, 7 squirts of this stuff is (1) making Gracie much more interested in her food, (2) helping with elimination to make it even more solid.  So, we are keeping this additional product on board and adding it to her daily regimen.

If you have a dog on a single protein, single grain diet, probably a good idea to make sure that it is a fish-based diet if you plan to add this.  (Not that I am a veterinarian or any kind of expert, other than in Gracie’s care.)

She’s much more perky and playful and so darling.  And sassy, of course.

Gracie with her Bumblebee

Well, Gracie went to see our specialist vet last week, and we got the lab results today.  My friends, it isn’t great news.

Her Chemistry, liver, pancreas, red and white blood cells are all okay.

Her protein (albumin) on the other hand isn’t good.  It has decreased.

6/2010  2.5 (normal)

1/2011 2.4

5/2011 2.3

The vet expressed concern about the possibility of this being a trend that continues.  She doesn’t want (nor do we) to go back to the traditional treatments for IBD (steroids) because those actually make her sicker.  She is going to consult with a holistic vet to see if there’s something that we can add to help with the inflammation, we will know about that option next week.

We have to go back in a month to see where the level is.

The vet said that she thinks that this might be the natural course of the illness and that we might have to just watch and wait.

We have been on borrowed time since Gracie started improving, we almost lost her when all of this started.  I’m ever so grateful for every moment.  We will take this one day at a time and love her every single day as if it is our last one together.

This girl is our angel, how lucky are we to be able to take care of her on this leg of her journey.